Episode 1 - Queer & Far Podcast
Sharmane Fury 00:06
This is a ManeHustle Media podcast. ManeHustle Media podcasts are recorded on the ancestral lands of the Chumash Tongva, Karankawa, and Hohokam people, and I wish to pay my respects to the people of those nations both past and present. Hey y'all, welcome to Queer and Far a travel podcast from a couple of queer femmes. I am one of your co-hosts Sharmane Fury aka daBlasianBlerd the busiest Mixed race bigender, bisexual-polyamorous, atheists, comic book nerd, cat mom, and two time, Asian American Podcasters Association's Golden Crane award winning podcaster in this podcasting game, and I am joined by my friend and co-host, Shae Nahnigans.
Shae Nahnigans 01:15
Hey, I'm a noob. Okay, all right. All right. Okay, yes, I'm new to the podcasting world. But old school gamer ran an online gaming community for 13 years, overall nerd, and happy to be here with my friends Sharmane.
Sharmane Fury 01:38
We have been talking about doing a project of some sort together for a really long time. And we've known each other we just realized we've known each other for 20 years, like literally, right before we hit record, we realized this,
Shae Nahnigans 01:52
We did math.
Sharmane Fury 01:53
We did math. And honestly, for the last I want to say three or four years, we have been talking about potentially leaving the country together-ish,
Shae Nahnigans 02:04
Yes
Sharmane Fury 02:05
In community, I guess in some way, shape or form for a while. And now that the world is melting, literally on fire, on fire, and politically, we're getting a little bit closer to that decision. And so we decided we would get together to start a podcast since I'm already a podcaster, to talk about travel, to document whatever this upcoming expat possible journey might look like. And also, we tend to be fairly political folks. We're deeply entrenched in our various intersections. And we want to focus our effort and the content we create into being a resource for queer folks, Black and brown folks.
Shae Nahnigans 02:50
Yes
Sharmane Fury 02:50
Which is me. Queer folks and disabled folks, and all the other things in between. And we're going to pair up to do this together. We're coming at you with different strengths and different knowledge bases. And then we're just friends. So that's the vibe.
Shae Nahnigans 03:06
That's the vibes. Yeah. We met in college.
Sharmane Fury 03:09
We did.
Shae Nahnigans 03:10
And I followed you around.
Sharmane Fury 03:12
Go banana slugs.
Shae Nahnigans 03:14
Oh, banana slug. And then a
Sharmane Fury 03:18
little slug with arms crossed? Yes.
Shae Nahnigans 03:21
We were feared in the Never. We weren't
Sharmane Fury 03:24
Yeah, we had an ultimate Frisbee team and not a football team.
Shae Nahnigans 03:30
We had a basketball. We have basketball. I never saw them play.
Sharmane Fury 03:35
We also had volleyball and I did see them play and I caught a t-shirt. Did I go to that with you
Shae Nahnigans 03:41
No
Sharmane Fury 03:41
Who did I go to that with?
Shae Nahnigans 03:42
So our one of our claim to fame is we had when MTV was doing those TV shows wherever they were following what are those sororities and fraternities we only had one fraternity on
Sharmane Fury 03:59
Did we I didn't even know.
Shae Nahnigans 04:01
We had one and our claim to fame was the producers because they found them boring.
Sharmane Fury 04:06
Huh larious
Shae Nahnigans 04:08
Right? Told them that what they should do as a gag is to go to one of the schools and steal a koi fish and eat it.
Sharmane Fury 04:18
Oh, those are the kids that got arrested. That was in my college. So UC Santa Cruz was broken up in multiple colleges and I went to I was at Porter is where I lived that's where the film school and stuff like that was based out of and we had a koi pond that to koi and they got charged from what I understand they went to jail for but they got charged like $17,000 per
Shae Nahnigans 04:41
was it expensive fish.
Sharmane Fury 04:42
It was an expensive fucking fish and they'd been there for like 18-20 years.
Shae Nahnigans 04:46
20 years
Sharmane Fury 04:47
It was okay so I thought those were just randos I didn't realize that was an MTV thing.Wow,
Shae Nahnigans 04:56
Of course, MTV was like odd way. We didn't mean
Sharmane Fury 04:59
We didn't do it. Now. Seriously, I just told that story like two weeks ago to someone else, like, we were around a koi pond and I was like, and you know,
Shae Nahnigans 05:06
and you know...
Sharmane Fury 05:07
Interesting story about Koi. Um, so yeah, we've known each other for a long time. I still honestly, I don't remember when we met. I just remember your general intensity.
Shae Nahnigans 05:24
I feel like, I feel like I should apologize.
Sharmane Fury 05:27
You're fine. I mean, we managed to get this far. So
Shae Nahnigans 05:31
I was really intense. I was a very huggy person. You were
Sharmane Fury 05:34
You were super huggy. And I am
Shae Nahnigans 05:36
Sharmane is not!
Sharmane Fury 05:36
the opposite of huggy. I am a Black, Japanese, British-American. I was raised by a British grandmother and a Japanese grandmother. Not a whole lot of affection. And, and generally I don't like to be touched.
Shae Nahnigans 05:51
You didn't. You weren't? You weren't? You didn't grow up with a lot of like, white people in your neighborhood.
Sharmane Fury 05:56
I didn't grow up with any white people. Yeah, like, it was literally my British grandmother was like, the only white person I knew most of my life.
Shae Nahnigans 06:03
And then there was me, just
Sharmane Fury 06:05
Intense white girl just like, we're gonna be friends.
Shae Nahnigans 06:07
We're gonna be friends.
Sharmane Fury 06:09
I'm into all these kinds of things. You're into them, too. Let's be friends.
Shae Nahnigans 06:12
Let's be friends. And for some odd reason, you let me stay around. I still question it.
Sharmane Fury 06:18
I mean, I, I never disliked you.
Shae Nahnigans 06:25
That's not a ringing endorsement. But fair.
Sharmane Fury 06:29
Well, you are I mean, yes, I will. I've said it for many years. So it's not like I'm talking out of turn. You were intense. And you were a lot for me. And by then it's not like I hadn't been around white people. I had I left, I left Long Beach when I was 15, and I moved to a white ish neighborhood and mostly military family. So a lot of Mixed folks, a lot of diverse groups of people, but predominantly white folks. So it's not like I'm like was totally unaware of white people. By the time I met you. It's just that you were super intense. And also I couldn't fit. You know what it was, I couldn't figure out why you liked me. That's what it was because I will not. This is gonna sound a this is a terrible thing. I'm about to say I've said something like this before, but this is true. Okay, I have a personality that people don't want to be friends with. But they fan over like, I get fans.
Shae Nahnigans 07:17
Okay. Yeah.
Sharmane Fury 07:18
And I always have, it's very strange. Because once I actually need like a friend like confide in emotion or whatever, usually those people bounce. But you were like a fan friend.
Shae Nahnigans 07:29
Yep.
Sharmane Fury 07:29
That just like, we just hit it off. And, and that was it.
Shae Nahnigans 07:35
I liked you because you were genuine. I, it was very rare in my life. And it's still rare, even today that someone says what they mean. And in fact, I'm learning the hard lesson now of being 40 something. Um, and, you know, realizing that a lot of the people have good intentions around me. But they fake it till they make it.
Sharmane Fury 07:59
Right.
Shae Nahnigans 07:59
And that's not healthy.
Sharmane Fury 08:01
That's fair. I mean, I yeah, I have always been a do what I say say what I mean type of person I grew up with. I have a I come from a long line of liars, con men, cheaters, dicks! And I just couldn't I can't be that way. Like I, I would rather lose somebody with the truth than right. Keep them with the lie. So yeah, maybe maybe that's what it well, maybe that's also why I don't maintain like, deep, deep friendships, friendships, or the friendships I have are all these 20 plus year friendships. Because they've known me ever since they've always you know, my co-host on BLERDcoMIXed, we've known each other for 36 or something like that years. We've known each other forever.
Shae Nahnigans 08:44
I think to be fair to tell everybody in the outside internet world, the interwebs. Oh, was it Beyonce is internet that even though we've known each other for 20, something years, we did lose touch after graduation? Yeah, not like, you know, we just you know, you wander away.
Sharmane Fury 09:04
Also, the internet wasn't what it is now, right? You could literally stay in touch all the time. Like I the first time I touched the internet was when I was 18 years old on New Year's Eve. I was a senior in high school and then I didn't touch it again for two more years. Yeah. My first two years of college, I was writing papers on typewriter. So when we graduated in 2003, from college, Friendster existed. Yeah, I don't think Facebook did yet
Shae Nahnigans 09:34
No MySpace.
Sharmane Fury 09:36
Myspace started to pop up. So I think I got into MySpace because I was doing all that HTML coding thing on MySpace for pages, but like you didn't like that. Yeah. Like it wasn't just like you had access to people know, when we finally gained back contact. I was living in Massachusetts by then. That was 2013. Yep. When I and it were really was just like I sent out a blast email because I was fundraising for a film I was making. And I just had your email address in there and you happen to respond. Like, I didn't even know if you would have even had that email.
Shae Nahnigans 10:12
I was so excited when I heard that you were not only that hear from you, but that you were making a movie. And I remember like, I have some money, huh?
Sharmane Fury 10:20
Yeah. So it was cool. I mean, it was cool to reconnect. And but at that point, I mean, yeah, like 10 years went by, and yeah, and we didn't know each other all that time. But we, you know, we grew up like I grew up in both northern and southern California, I grew up in Northern California, we both went to the same college, we had some similar interests were both in the film program. So you know, whatever it worked out, and we ended up staying friends. So it's since 2013, though we've been fairly steady lately in contact friends, right? And then we physically have seen each other two times two, only two times. So all based off of me moving across country. So once when I Yeah, once when I'm Oh, no, no, once was for my move once was when I flew into the state that you live in? Yep. To because my play niece. was graduating high school. So that's why I was there. The second time I was moving from California to Texas, where should where I'm currently living. And I passed through, so I got to see you then too. But since then, like we talk weekly, like a lot, a lot more than weekly, I guess.
Shae Nahnigans 11:23
Yeah, about various subjects there. And we've been any history, we have been talking about trying to do a pod, or something, a project
Sharmane Fury 11:32
A project.
Shae Nahnigans 11:32
And then how this all came about is, you know, as we were going on our little conversations of talking about leaving the United States for various reasons. When we were gathering intel, from my perspective, because I'm still deep into my decolonization work, and I will never be done it, realizing that most of the information that I was gathering from came from the white perspective, right. And that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm getting the true scope of what really is out there. And what really could happen to you. And so it when we and I, we and I,
Sharmane Fury 12:13
It works.
Shae Nahnigans 12:14
Okay? That was our goal is that we wanted to focus on, you know, the marginalized groups perspective of whoever if they were creating their own Airbnbs, or their own businesses, or how to travel safely, because everybody has their own way. And, and the things that they look for whether that you know, you're trans, you look from a different perspective, you you're Black, another perspective, you're female or present as female, you have to think of it from another perspective. So I'm really interested in and of gathering more intel and helping people who are from those groups. Because when I do talk to them, they're like, I want to travel, but I don't feel safe to travel.
Sharmane Fury 12:57
Right. And a lot of some of the reason why we continue to have those conversations together, I think, had a lot to do with me as a brown, queer, femme presenting person to say, like, oh, wait, no, you know, you might, you might have described something and I'd be like, Well wait, because brown brown femme here. And there are things that we've talked about over the years, some of them are exposing things in which you'll say something, and it'll be, it'll be clearly from your perspective, while also doing the decolonization work that you're doing. And then I chime in with okay, FOR ME, this is my deal with my intersections. And that ends up expanding, and then you have a tendency to pause the conversation and say, Okay, let me go do some work on this. And then I'll come back, and we'll talk about it later. So the reason why, Sir Auntie Mixed Mane, who does all these podcasts that have to do with Blackness or Mixed-Blackness or Mixedness in general, how I ended up engaging in relationship further with you, I guess, really had so much to do with the fact that you're the only white person that I know that says. Let me pause here and let me go do some labor, and then I'll come back, and we can talk about it when you have the spoons. So for years, I refer to you as my white woman whisperer, because one you would tag in when I had issues with white folks, and you'd be like, Who do I Who do I need to sic? Where and you you would go do you would kind of jump into that. As we continued on more in our friendship while you were doing more of your decolonization work, and you have like, you've, you've gone, you've done from where I was going, I don't want to do this with you, you know, like early on to where you're at now where you're pausing it before we get into it, and you've actually even caught me a couple of times when you're upset about something that I didn't get upset about yet. And then you say and I'm like, Oh, fuck. It's like that. Tik Tok "I was out N-word and I will never be out N-word again." Moments that you've, you've even like, I got excited about something that you were offered and you were like, but I'm a, you know, white femme I'm a white person, why was I offered that I'm like, dammit, you're right. Me and here I am celebrating my friend and white supremacy is at play. So I think for years, I called you my white woman whisperer. Now because of tick tock, I call you my emotional support white woman. I love it. I get to work a t shirt. Sure, I promise.
Shae Nahnigans 15:29
And on the back, it's gonna say, careful, she bites.
Sharmane Fury 15:34
But I so so yes, that's you are the person who I trust, to do the work when work needs to be done.
Shae Nahnigans 15:43
Thank you.
Sharmane Fury 15:43
You're one of the few people that I see is doing decolonization work and following through, like, I'm actually seeing it and the amount of times like I said that you now pause a conversation to get into let me go do some work. And then when you come back, you're like, "speaking of blah, blah, blah, do you have the spoons to talk about those right now." And then we get into it. So I would not engage in a project like this, even if I really wanted to do something like this, which I do. If I didn't feel like the white person that I'm doing this with has some form of awareness and like, you're gonna fuck up, I'm gonna fuck up. But we're going to have conversations and we have already proven, we can have conversations and get to a place where it's like, okay, work needs to be done. And, and that's not solely on you either. I mean, well, even as a Brown femme, like I have, I have work to be done in terms of things that are just so programmed and so deeply indoctrinated that I have to do that work, too. So that is why I feel engaging in a project like this together is so strong, because if we were two white femmes, it would be a very different game. If we were two Brown femmes, it would be a very different game. But because we come from different intersections, we can catch each other up on things and make things awareness. Like there's some things that you're aware of, because of access to white privilege that I do not have an awareness for. That could be a safety issue for me, Lacking that awareness. And then there's things with me as a Brown femme, who grew up as a hood kid would just be like, common sense. Number one would, you know, like, boom, and you'd be like, huh, huh, so I make the tag team, the Starsky and Hutch, the whatever, between us that we have will be potentially really helpful to queer folks, to Black and Brown folks, to disabled folks as we're out there. Because we do have we do have those intersections between us, right? We have them differently. Of course, the thing that connects us in terms of similarity is that we are both femme presenting, and that we are both queer identified. After that there's a shit ton of shit we don't we don't cross over on. So it's I think it's good that we will have these opportunities.
Shae Nahnigans 17:14
Right I agree. I agree. And I think like, for me, on a personal note for me is like, I want to live by example, because I need to believe and I'm struggling because of the lot. Yes, you know, and you guys are now learning. The last couple years have been really hard, mentally
Sharmane Fury 18:22
They've been hard on you.
Shae Nahnigans 18:22
Yeah, I've been struggling with depression, and I'm not as loud and bubbly as I once was in in college. I'm a lot more quiet. So I this is a
Sharmane Fury 18:33
in college it was like ATTACK HUG! Now it's like ... attack!
Shae Nahnigans 18:37
Attack, but I'm gonna like fisticuffs with people. I don't have the confidence that I used to be, but it's been an interesting, I've been known I'm queer. For ever. I used to tell partners, I've dated, different genders. And, but honestly, this is this year was the first year I said, Happy pride for myself. Yeah, this is the first time I am putting myself in a situation in a situation where like, you know, that's mine, too. Yeah. As opposed to continuing to give it to other people or uplifting other people. I'd like to not diminish myself. So I'm hoping that this experience for me is discovering who I am, after all of this. And but living by example, because I want other white femmes in particular. I need you guys to do this work. Because if not, we are so effed. Yeah, so when anyway but that's yeah, a little side little a little personal. No,
Sharmane Fury 19:38
I'm glad you said that. Because that is something that is very specific to well to you because you're the only wh.. white emotional support white woman that I have in my life? Because you are an elevator. I'm also an elevator like in terms of activism and stuff like that. I'm not a boots on the ground March or anything like that, but I am an elevator cause you Use my platforms, I've done it, find ways to raise money, like, I do stuff like that. But you will elevate at your expense. And I don't know, I probably do a version of that. But it's slightly different for me as a Brown, you know, whereas you, you like, when we had this conversation about it, it was almost like, yeah, no, I'm queer, but it's not that big of a deal kind of thing, as if it wasn't influencing the stuff that you were actually doing. So I think it's important for you to own yourself so much as you are comfortable in doing it publicly, you know, own that aspect of you so that you're not just like, "straight assumed white woman here. I'm gonna get in here and try to help you guys out." You know, like, I think that's important that, you know, you have some skin in the game. Yes, it's different than what I have. It's different than the people that I know, have and stuff like that. It's very specific to you. And so having that opportunity to own that will only make you better at the work that you're doing, because you're now including yourself in it. So I hope that keeps up happening. And if not, I'll just yell at you. And yes, make it happen.
Shae Nahnigans 21:14
And remind me that this process is supposed to be uncomfortable. That's
Sharmane Fury 21:17
It's uncomfortable, yeah. And I mean, I do think you bear it well, even in your discomfort, what you need to start doing, which is what a lot of us who do work like this need to do is rest, give ourselves some grace, take a break when we you know, it can't be (deep Mixed-Black person sigh) it needs to be 100% of time, but it can't be 100% of the time. So you have a time you have to pause sometimes. So then I don't want better. And you don't pause,
Shae Nahnigans 21:45
I don't pause.
Sharmane Fury 21:46
So I'm hoping that through this process, and I don't either I'm really good at telling people to pause, I don't pause. So hopefully, accountability partners, as we are on this podcast venture that we're going to be doing together, I will hold you accountable, you will hold me accountable. And we will try to nurture each other while also kicking the shit out of whatever demons it is that we're fighting in terms of allowing us our chance to be the best versions that we can be right?
Shae Nahnigans 22:14
Right. Yeah, no, absolutely. And then I think also then does that mean to we are going to be traveling our goal is to leave the United States, perhaps permanently, then we'd like this to dip our toes into other locations first, and we've been looking at Mexico is our main one right now. But who are you going to be? It's not just you traveling? Right? You're going to be bringing cats I believe. And
Sharmane Fury 22:43
Yes, I'll be bringing cats and
Shae Nahnigans 22:45
A human boy?
Sharmane Fury 22:47
and human partner. Yes, I human, human. Human male partner. Yeah, so I my world consists of my cis-heterosexual, male husband of 22 years. We are polyamorous. So we also have to make sure that while we're looking for places to live that we will look for places that won't throw us in jail. If we quote unquote commit adultery you know, we don't always have other partners but I would say while I do identify as polyamorous, I think we're more in a monogamish situation in that we have been, that's the monogamish for those of you out there in the non monogamy world or not out there and the non monogamy world monogamish is basically that you are in a committed couple of some sort, but that you allow each other access, you know, sexual access to the partners that may or may not ever have emotional attachments. That's kind of more what it's been recently. Although we both identify as polyamorous, we both have loved other people in the past, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So So yes, I'm carting. I'm carting him along. I am also carting for cats along with me. So I need to know or, yeah, well, two of them are senior citizens, and two of them were, I guess, middle aged or whatever. But I still think of them as the kittens. So yeah, so that'll be a challenge to find a place and to actually afford the transport and hopefully not put them at physical and health harm in doing a transition like this. And you are traveling with
Shae Nahnigans 24:27
A white cis autistic. What happened? Does something... is it.. a bug?
Sharmane Fury 24:39
Yes, I live in Texas and it scared the shit out of me!
Shae Nahnigans 24:43
In the great words of Eartha Kitt smash it with a hammer.
Sharmane Fury 24:47
I only had a phone next to me and I tried to go through that that it was just a natural reaction. Gokiburi (Japanese for Cockroach) aka la cucaracha is I live in Texas and one two just walked up on me so I was trying not to react to them I'm gonna leave it in though! (laughs)
Shae Nahnigans 25:08
You know cuz that's gonna be some interesting outtakes if that'll
Sharmane Fury 25:11
be one of the things that we actually talk about too is b ugs.
Shae Nahnigans 25:16
Bugs I can handle certain types of bugs but there are certain times you will hear me scream like a full on little girl.
Sharmane Fury 25:23
Yeah, I mean, the way I react to them now is from like living
Shae Nahnigans 25:27
I thought that was healthy that I would have not handled that. Well. I would have been out the room.
Sharmane Fury 25:31
I've lived in Texas on and off in my life. This is my third time living here in Texas. I'm desensitized to them enough to be like Ew, but not like AHHHHHH so although when they fall on me in the shower or something like that, that I will lose my mind I promise so sorry. Let's take it back. You are traveling.
Shae Nahnigans 25:55
I'm traveling with a with a white cis-hetero, autistic man
Sharmane Fury 26:02
Oh I forgot to mention my my human person is a "halfabic" a half Palestinian - half white.
Shae Nahnigans 26:02
And not my norm like when I when I was dating and then when he showed up like
Sharmane Fury 26:22
Why you?
Shae Nahnigans 26:23
Why you and also in the military. That is an abs this was an absolute
Sharmane Fury 26:28
It's a pretty shock when when I found out of who you ended up marrying. I was really surprised that we hadn't seen each other for so long. I was really surprised you did know Tristan because I was already with him. That's what happens when you fall in love with your high school friend right at 22 years old so by the time I met you I was already locked in.
Shae Nahnigans 26:49
And then so and then I'm also traveling with three dogs one Chihuahua and one full Pitbull and one
Sharmane Fury 26:58
Dope. Oh?
Shae Nahnigans 27:00
Which has
Sharmane Fury 27:01
A full Pitbull for yeah, that's an element of travel. It's an
Shae Nahnigans 27:04
element of travel difficulty that I am learning the hardships on because the UK it's a banned animal or the EU. Yeah, EU anyway,
Sharmane Fury 27:15
so many places. Yeah, that they that they
Shae Nahnigans 27:18
are. So I have to work around. He's like the dopiest, easygoing
Sharmane Fury 27:22
All of them are their only bullies when you train them terribly badly. They're the gently literally were used as nursery dogs. For the British aristocracy. I don't understand how this has become a thing but carry out.
Shae Nahnigans 27:36
Well, racism because what primarily what pitbulls are known for? Yeah. Anyway, um,
Sharmane Fury 27:48
We'll get into it.
Shae Nahnigans 27:49
We'll get into that. And then I have Jack who is a I'm going to call him a boxer mix. And he's really fun loving and nice, but he's so talkative. I know. Everyone's like what's wrong with him? Because he's like blat, blat, blat. That's how he barks. He doesn't bark he blat blats.
Sharmane Fury 28:05
No boxers make weird sounds like boxers don't have a regular bark. Yeah.
Shae Nahnigans 28:09
He doesn't do a regular walk. It's a that's funny.
Sharmane Fury 28:12
He's gangly?
Shae Nahnigans 28:13
He's gangly and like I was watching videos on how dogs need to go through like the airport and stuff. And I was like,
Sharmane Fury 28:20
Yikes. Like, can you straight dog? Can you straight jacket a dog?
Shae Nahnigans 28:27
I know, because I want to try to greet